By Sieglinde W. Alexander
The Unspoken Tragedy of Childhood Abuse
An almost uncountable number of books, stories, and articles have been written about child abuse—yet the subject remains too painful to openly discuss across the globe. Internet forums in multiple languages are filled with adults writing about their childhood trauma. Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists encounter PTSD linked to early trauma on a daily basis. Still, society remains unable to confront the life-damaging realities of abuse caused by adults. It is as if denying the suffering of abused children could somehow erase the truth of this widespread tragedy.
Trauma of this kind remains a taboo—buried under layers of denial or ignorance.
I once mentioned my work during a meeting. Just naming the organization Adults Abused as Children Worldwide created an immediate rift among a group of seemingly cheerful people. Some retreated. Others quickly shifted the conversation. Some avoided the topic altogether. One person offered a quick-fix response—a cerebral, dismissive remark about childhood victims or abusers—and abruptly shut down the discussion. The “good” atmosphere returned, and small talk resumed.
Depending on their backgrounds, people offered varying responses—ranging from religious platitudes about forgiveness to political justifications for their opinions. Others relied on clichés: “You must forget,” or “Just overcome it.”
But none of these advice-givers seemed aware that they were unconsciously revealing their own close encounters with abuse—without recognizing it for what it was. In these moments, the quick-fix type often displays the same dominant, dismissive attitudes that were imprinted upon them during their own childhoods, without realizing that these behaviors are part of an early-learned pattern of abuse.
A Collective Denial
Abuse and its long-term impact are not just avoided—they are rejected by almost everyone, including the abused. Yet we encounter abuse daily in many forms. We adopt the abuser’s vision of strength, idolize them as “successful,” call them “goal-oriented,” and fail to see the violence hidden beneath their actions.
Some leading psychoanalysts have appealed to the Pope to support a ban on beating children. However, they overlook the fact that some of the most severe abuse has occurred within religious contexts. Alice Miller dared to say what others won’t—religious dogma itself often condones or perpetuates abuse under the guise of discipline.
Read Alice Miller’s “Open Letter to the Holy Father,” June 2001:
http://www.alice-miller.com
Psychohistorians offer educational models for preventing abuse, but they often fail to grasp the emotional reality of trauma. They act as if deeply imprinted wounds can be healed through logic or information alone.
Read Lloyd deMause’s “The Emotional Life of Nations” at:
http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/12_press.html
The Medical and Psychological Disconnect
The majority of professionals in the medical field still fail to see the link between childhood trauma and physical illness. They overlook the profound interconnection between body and soul—between the seen and unseen aspects of human suffering.
Many psychologists are disconnected from their own emotional worlds. Their clinical detachment often leads them to support theories that suppress rather than heal. Patients are guided toward cognitive awareness but are rarely supported in uncovering the early wounds that caused their pain. Worse still, antidepressants are often prescribed—not to heal, but to numb. This only reinforces repression and perpetuates trauma.
Read my letter to psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists:
http://www.sieglindewalexander.com/Writing_table/letters/psychologist.htm
Psychological science often avoids confronting the true source of trauma. Wrapped in academic language and inaccessible jargon, its findings rarely serve the very people they’re meant to help.
Global Inaction and Legal Gaps
Major human rights organizations like Human Rights Watch are failing to address the root of trauma by ignoring the impact of childhood abuse.
Why do governments around the world deny the effects of childhood abuse? The answer is disturbingly simple: many leaders themselves were abused as children. They carry that imprint and, often unknowingly, perpetuate it in their leadership and policies. They promote power instead of healing, dominance instead of empathy. Without addressing their own traumas, such leaders inevitably lead others into more trauma.
Governments build prisons, create ineffective laws, and fail to protect the vulnerable. They incarcerate rather than rehabilitate, release the traumatized without healing, and in doing so, perpetuate cycles of fear, domination, and abuse. Without empathy or understanding, those who were once abused raise the next generation in the same destructive ways.
Many countries have laws about abuse, but no universal agreement exists on what is harmful to a child. In some places, religious or cultural norms override the protection of children entirely.
Media and the Market for Pain
The media are complicit in this denial. They avoid in-depth reporting on the root causes of violence unless the story makes a sensational headline. Do they truly care about educating the public? Or are they simply chasing ratings?
Public television rarely produces programming on the origins of violence. Why? Because denial sells. Awareness does not.
A Cycle Repeating Itself
The abused are everywhere. Some rage against their abusers; others excuse them. One man once told me, “We shouldn’t blame parents—they did their best.” Again, denial rears its head. Victims are ignored, unsupported, and left vulnerable to becoming abusers themselves.
We must not blame—but we must face reality. Prevention is only possible through acknowledgment, not through perpetuating lifelong pain.
Nonprofit organizations are overwhelmed and underfunded. Even when there are signs of progress, the relapse rate is high—because the root cause is rarely addressed. Until we fight the origin of abuse, people will remain vulnerable and incapable of enduring.
Efforts to outlaw child-beating, child labor, and child sexual abuse are ongoing—but often fail to confront where abuse truly begins: in the home, in the upbringing, in the imprinting of trauma like a virus passed from generation to generation.
If a problem is rooted in emotional trauma inflicted in early childhood, it cannot be solved by logic, law, or cognitive theories alone.
Who Are the Abusers?
They are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, presidents, governors, ministers, teachers, preachers, doctors, nurses, farmers, artists, actors, CEOs, directors…
We must begin to acknowledge that no one is born an abuser—but many are made into one through early trauma. Law can punish, but it cannot prevent. And without healing, the cycle continues.
Every abuser was once a helpless child. If they never learned compassion, never received care, never healed, they grow up without the ability to feel or respect others. In losing their identity, they deny others theirs. They deprive children of their basic needs, just as theirs were once denied.
The reason is tragically simple: abuse erased their capacity to feel. Now, subconsciously, they pass on that deprivation—inflicting the same pain they once endured.