A Lifelong Pursuit of Understanding: Trauma, Science, and Personal Transformation
My life underwent a profound transformation in 1991 when I emigrated from Germany to California, USA. For the first time, I experienced a sense of personal agency and intrinsic self-worth. This pivotal shift enabled me to explore my authentic identity and establish greater autonomy over the trajectory of my life.
In 2005, my husband and I relocated from California to New Mexico. Shortly after our move, he suffered a stroke, and I became his full-time caregiver. While his condition improved after a year, additional serious health issues emerged, requiring my continued care and attention.
My inquiry into the long-term physiological and neurological consequences of childhood abuse began in 1994, at a time when limited research existed on the subject. Motivated by personal urgency, I wrote a letter to President Bill Clinton, advocating for greater scientific exploration in this area. To my surprise and encouragement, he responded positively and took steps to support further research. https://sieglindewalexander.com/letters/
Though I had previously earned college credits in Journalism (graduating with a 4.0 GPA), as well as in Psychology, Computer Science, and English as a Second Language while living in Sacramento, California, those credits eventually expired. Given my caregiving responsibilities and limited access to formal education in Albuquerque, I turned to alternative modes of learning. I immersed myself in freely available academic resources, such as the comprehensive biochemistry lectures by Dr. Kevin Ahern of Oregon State University. Dr. Ahern graciously answered my questions and, in 2009/2010, recommended I take a genetic test through 23andMe. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUQSbR6O6CI
In March 2010, I began studying the lectures of Dr. Robert Sapolsky, a professor at Stanford University, starting with his acclaimed course Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNnIGh9g6fA
I later read his books Behave and Determined, which profoundly deepened my understanding of human behavior, neuroscience, and the biological foundations of trauma.
My self-directed education has continued over the years, drawing on a wide range of scientific literature and academic lectures. My primary goal was to deepen my understanding, rather than pursue a formal PhD. A particularly formative moment in this journey was discovering the work of neuroscientist Dr. James Fallon. His book The Psychopath Inside, which includes an analysis of his own brain scans, offered profound insights that helped me make sense of my own family history. Through this lens, I came to recognize that my mother exhibited traits consistent with narcissistic personality disorder, while my father closely aligned with the clinical profile of a Type 1 psychopath.
Having survived nine surgeries over the course of my life, I developed a deep interest in neurology—particularly in how viruses, bacteria, fungi, as well as genetics and epigenetics, influence the function of the human body. After the death of my husband in 2013, I intensified my studies in genetics and epigenetics, gaining critical insights into how early-life trauma can shape gene expression. My focus centered on the MAOA gene and the impact of severe childhood stress on DNA methylation—biological modifications that can have lasting effects on both physical and psychological health.
My life had long been shaped by complex health challenges. I was first diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency in 1979. A follow-up MRI in 2007 revealed additional coccyx inal complications, including Chiari malformation, spinal stenosis, and Tarlov cysts affecting the coccyx, T11 and T12 vertebrae. In 2016, my academic pursuits were once again interrupted when I underwent spinal surgery at the L4 and L5 levels. The procedure resulted in a serious case of sepsis caused by contaminated hardware. Subsequent infections—Staphylococcus epidermidis, Peptostreptococcus, Staphylococcus caprae, and Corynebacterium—required prolonged treatment with intravenous vancomycin and oral ciprofloxacin. The recovery was extensive and further complicated by significant side effects from the medication regimen.
In 2019, I returned to Germany at the age of 70 to be closer to my son, believing that I had come to terms with my childhood trauma and was ready to reconnect with the town and people from my past. I was mistaken. The experience proved deeply sobering. My resettlement coincided with the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, during which I contracted the virus. Following vaccination with the BioNTech mRNA vaccine, my health deteriorated sharply. With minimal support from the medical community, I had to advocate for diagnostic testing, which ultimately revealed thrombosis, von Willebrand disease types 2 and 5 (a genetic disorder), lupus, and antiphospholipid syndrome (APS). These conditions culminated in the onset of Stevens-Johnson Syndrome (SJS), among other debilitating symptoms.
Despite the nearly three decades since I had left Germany, much of the local cultural environment remained unchanged—still marked by rigid hierarchies, moral absolutism, and a persistently judgmental, even querulous, mindset, extending into the medical profession.
Throughout these many challenges and transitions, my commitment to lifelong learning has never wavered. My journey has been one of resilience, inquiry, and a steadfast drive to understand the biological and psychological mechanisms that shape human behavior, health, and transformation.
“Step away from what holds you back, and move toward a new place to land.
Sometimes, the farther you are from home, the closer you come to yourself.”
SWA
Both organisation formed by Sieglinde W. Alexander while living in the USA:
AAaCWorld – Adults Abused as Children Worldwide in 1994
and
EMaK – Erwachsene Misshandelt als Kinder formed 2000 are closed in 2016.
The website has been renamed and is now accessible:
https://misshandeltenachkriegskinder.com/
Contact Me
sieglindewalexander.com was established by Sieglinde W. Alexander, USA in 2000 to introduce “Haunting Shadows from the Past”, Library of Congress Card Number: LCN 00-192742, ISBN: 0-9703195-0-9 and all other writings by Sieglinde W. Alexander.