Forum entry #587
Brian to Sieglinde

Dear Sieglinde,
First, let me offer you my thanks for allowing us to see who you really are, not the one who must live behind a wall of protection but the one who still suffers because of criminal assaults.

What was done to you is unlawful and criminal. Your parents are perverted criminals who should be in jail for what they have done to you. And Walter is a stinking, deviant, perverted other fucking child-abuser. I wish we could face him together, pick him off his stinking ugly feet and throw him in a dungeon. Then we would give you the key in a special Olympic ceremony. You could hold the key high above you in victory and then decide what to do with it. (I think a nice
holiday to somewhere with an active volcano so that the key could be melted in it with Walter watching it all from behind bars where he belongs!)

What misery you have had to endure for so long. You were GIVEN as a sexual gift by your parents who in their later questions revealed that they already knew what had happened. BECAUSE they arranged it that way, those sick bastards. (Forgive me, dear lady, I don’t mean to offend you with my rudeness but I HATE THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS who so callously destroy innocence and pass children around like bottles of beer for their own pleasure only.)

No wonder your sensual life has been damaged and no wonder you are so hard on yourself. Children must and always internalize and adopt authorship for the actions around them. You refer to your role in these things as if you have been the author…. you understand that don’t you
Sieglinde? I quote you here: ” I had done all these dirty things. How could I love what I did?” Dear lady, you are the victim of brutality and perversion. You are the VICTIM. Would you blame a kitten for being thrown is a sack and dumped in a river? Would you say that a girl who starts to grow breasts is asking to be raped by her father? Of course not, but you refuse to give yourself a fair chance.

You were a youngster, under-age and all alone. When you said, “Please, no…” you were being a good girl, Sieglinde. Then an adult pedophile raped you and you went home to be further violated by your sick mother who with your father abused you further. Damn them for their actions. If you feel you can’t face your mother or father, then just damn the ACTIONS to begin with and eventually you will damn the faces attached to those actions. The suffering you have carried all these years is horrendous, unbelievable.

You say: “The long-term consequences from this experience is very active (lost of sexual desire)
and the scene it self is still very vivid in my memeory. I hope that someone can give me an idea how to put the pain of this memeory on a shelf for ever.”

Sieglinde, I am 50 in May and I have not put away my memories, in fact, I am laying them out now for myself and for everybody else to see. And I am more free of them because I do no let them go, I embrace them. I was a victim of abuse and I will hold on to my injured inner self FOREVER and I will never let anybody ever again heap scorn and disdain on the truth of my life. This is our enormous strength, my dear lady. Hold on to your injury, and embrace the child that is still suffering. Love her as she deserves for surviving hatred and abuse!

Commit yourself to the truth being told. Sieglinde, you are so strong! I probably wouldn’t have survived what you have been through but you did and you REMEMBER! The pain of the memory is its need to be further acknowledged just as you are doing by writing to this list. You have a
tremendous victory here, the truth laid bare for all to see. And I believe every breath and every tear and I stand with you dear lady, with tears for your suffering and awful rage against the evil fuckers who don’t deserve any pleasure in their miserable criminal lives.
Be strong in your SURVIVAL, Sieglinde.

One day, people will look back on these barbaric times when children can still be tortured and used as sexual objects, and they will hear of people like you who were SURVIVORS of terrible deeds, helpless young people who lived on and talked and worked and raged and wept and who conquered just by going on, like you are…

Do continue with writing the truth and speaking it. Refuse with me to protect the mother, the father, the brother, the uncle or anybody who has been and is an abuser of children. I absolutely refuse to make excuses for your mother. She chose to abuse Sieglinde and then reveled in your suffering. I absolutely refuse to forgive your father for violating the sanctity of family and visiting you with violence and hatred. I condemn Walter FOREVER for failing to be a decent human being.
They are criminals.

It is a privilege for me to stand with you though, Sieglinde, because you are a survivor who has the guts to suffer for basic rights and to be free of criminal acts against a child. You are a survivor who strengthens my faith ( and it needs a lot of strengthening, just ask anybody…;-))

Thank-you for giving us your strength.
Thank-you for showing us how it’s done.
Embrace yourself in this victory and keep on keepin’ on!

with sincere admiration,
Brian